Conflict is not your enemy; indecision is.

Often the fear of hurting someone becomes part of invisible decision-making. The tricky part is it is hard to acknowledge or question its origin. Many of my decisions would cite "I was short on time." but if I could be honest, I would have said, "I was certain of delays if I were to take help."

The honest version would lead to other problems in the system. Is hiring not up to the mark? Is there a lack or absence of mentorship? Is the team's morale low? These are more challenging problems than the average technical task. These are concerns of scale. I have been guilty of avoiding these conversations as I have felt incapable of driving change over getting things done. In the pursuit of ticking off todos, camaraderie was ignored.

Recently I avoided a tough conversation for fear of conflict. Rehearsing for both the parties and assuming all kinds of the worst case for days, I finally talked. Most of my worries were unnecessary. I got feedback on my approach and the approval to make my own decisions. However, things could indeed have gone the other way. I consider myself lucky to receive acceptance. On the contrary, I would have still got a course correction at an earlier time.

I want to remind my future self that I wasn't prepared to the fullest, but I truly believed in the cause. My fears weren't misplaced, but we came through because I spoke honestly.